just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
