I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
