I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
