its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
