i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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