normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
