why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
