Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
