waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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