Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
