Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
