I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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