WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
