Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
