i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
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That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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