you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
