I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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