I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
