guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
