It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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