My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
