Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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