So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
