I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
