sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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