i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
