im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
