I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
