he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
