My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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