I wish I could teleport
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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