if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
