tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
