I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
