you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
