That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
