If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
