literally had 100 drinks last night.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
