I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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