just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
