theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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