I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
