Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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