just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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