life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
