walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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