You're my little dorito
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
