Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
