dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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