I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
