when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
