I can text with my tongue
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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