Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The uberlube is also flammable
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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