I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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