I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
