white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
