she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
