she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
