community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
