Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
