Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
