Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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