If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
