All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
