on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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Are my feet made of real feet?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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