i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
