I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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