Apparently you make a good broom.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
