Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
