i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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